God is a merciful God that owns the entire world. It is within His power to give the world to any human He chooses as worthy. The question that continuously plagues my mind is, "Am I Worthy?"
I was having an intense conversation with myself (the most interesting person I know :D) last night when I realized the complexity of believing ion one's self. I know that God loves me, and I know that I am a human and miss the bar of perfection daily. So, I am not worthy, in the natural sense, for God's blessings. I pray, however, that I am chosen by God as a worthy individual.
What causes me to doubt that He will choose me to carry out His divine mission?
Throughout my entire 20's, I spent my time working, partying, and having children out of wedlock. At the end of my twenties, I eloped with a man that I barely knew and lied about our marriage to all our loved ones for approximately six months. Then, I divorced my first husband after ten months of marriage. We did not make it through a full year, and disgracefully, throughout the ten months, I was involved in the church, intensive bible studies, and received a water baptism, and participated in Christian marriage counseling. I did not allow the Lord to take control of my marriage though. I was in the Word but not practicing the Word within my marriage.
As if that is not enough, immediately after divorcing my husband, I entered into a relationship with a new man. I sinned continuously by putting my relationship with this man before my walk with Christ. I continued to study the Word, began a business, and a ministry within the years of our troubled relationship. I married the man (again in secret) but admitted the truth to family and friend this time. After much counseling and praying, I left my second husband.
How could God ever find me worthy of His blessings and of His ministry within His church?
I know that the answer to this question will not be found within the Bible or counsel of man. Only the Lord can provide me the answer to whether or not I, specifically, am worthy of leading His people on the journey to His divine purpose for them. I have been praying for an answer, and the answer remains the same with every prayer:
Trust that I am the Lord, and through faith and obedience, I will allow all things to be possible for all those I have chosen.
My name is Margaret McDowell, and I am with For EverLasting Revelation. A nonprofit organization that aims to journey with women through motherhood with God and purpose. I am not a Biblical scholar, but I am an experienced sinner who seeks God for love, guidance, and mercy.